My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize