tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
