I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
