I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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