I only kidnapped one of them. chill
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
