I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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