hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
