your room smells of hookers.
And success
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
