Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
