so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Dicks are not precious.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
