I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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