Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
In America we eat man semen.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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