i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
