worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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