TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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