i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
