this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
