Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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