i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
