I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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