Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
