Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
