she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize