cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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