Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
