You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You are a booty call, not a friend.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
