how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
