What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
