Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize