i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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