Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
