That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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