Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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