Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
