Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
