just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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