I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
