i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize