I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
