i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Someone signed my nipple.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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