I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
