Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
