I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
