i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
