Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
