just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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