All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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