so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
