I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
