I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
