I can't breathe out the right side of my face
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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