guys are not supposed to queef...right?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Who died my cat blue again?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
