You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize