Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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