The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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