I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
