I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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