I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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