they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
