Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
