So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
