The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
