I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
