Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
