I puked a lego.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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