She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
