Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
