My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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