he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
