My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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