WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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