chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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