you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
