Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
