She's JV to your varsity
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
