So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My penis needs a shock collar
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
