Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
